Entering the sober world can be confusing. Like any community, we have our own phrases and words that might not be obvious to a newcomer. To help you out, we’ve created a sober dictionary. Listing the most commonly used words to clear up anything you might be unsure of.
AF
Originally AF meant something a little ruder… think bored AF, tired AF and some may even be drunk AF.
The sober community has taken AF (as in alcohol free), and used this popular phrase to give alcohol free living a cooler status than it previously had. Sober sounds so boring doesn’t it? Sober AF packs a punch. It also literally identifies what kind of sober you are… Sober AF literally means sober, alcohol free. Someone sober AF might still partake in other drugs, but has decided to ditch booze.
Blackout
Blackout is just another way of saying memory loss. It sounds worse than memory loss. It’s a good word to adopt to remind you of the severity. If like me, you normalised memory loss, it can feel daunting to come to terms with the fact that you are blacking out when you drink. Blackouts are dangerous. You are running on autopilot and your brain is too busy trying to process the level of alcohol in your system that it physically cannot move the present into your memory bank.
Boundaries
It’s common as a drinker to have a lack of boundaries. Perhaps you tell everyone everything, you find it hard to say no to anyone, you’re constantly at events you don’t want to go to, or spending time with people you don’t actually like. When you stop drinking, you may have to make some changes… like where and how you spend your time. When you start to take control of your life, you naturally create healthy boundaries which are there to serve you.
Cali sober
Cali sober, or California sober refers to a person who is sober from alcohol & other drugs, but still consumes marijuana.
Dry
Another word for alcohol free. More commonly used when describing places like ‘dry bars’ or ‘dry countries’.
FOMA
The Fear of Missing Alcohol. Similar to FOMO (fear of missing out), FOMA is specific to drinking. Many of us go through phases of romanticising alcohol, remembering the good and forgetting the bad. This is normally linked to FOMA. Realising we’ll never feel that loss of control and lowered inhibitions again – which trust me is a good thing. FOMA is a completely normal part of the process and good practice for shutting that voice down. You will learn to have fun without alcohol at parties and you’ll have more fun than everyone drinking because it will be authentic.
Grey Area Drinker
Grey area drinkers are those who have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, but don’t identify as an alcoholic (yet). As a grey area drinker, you may not drink often but struggle with moderation when you do. Or drink little and often. Either way, the alcohol is having a negative impact on your life in some way. With so many people in this area, high consumption is normalised and with everyone around us telling us that our drinking is not a problem, it’s hard to come to terms with the concept of quitting. If you’re sick of being hungover, drinking too much when you do drink, or are finding it increasingly difficult to say no to a glass of wine (even when you promised yourself you wouldn’t drink) you may be a grey area drinker. You may wish to seek professional help, or if you can, do you own research and consider quitting your own way before it escalates.
JOMO
The Joy of Missing Out! Initially when quitting alcohol, you may have FOMO (fear of missing out). It’s normal to worry that other people are having more fun than you. But, as you become more confident in sober life, you will in time discover JOMO. As sleep, self care & health become priorities for you, you might just find yourself thrilled at sitting in front of the TV with a hot chocolate and your favourite show, knowing you’ll get a good nights sleep & not waste the next day being hungover.
Low Alcohol
Low alcohol drinks are those that contain a tiny amount of alcohol (normally anything up to 0.5%). It’s common to see ‘low or no’ on menus. Depending on your stance, you may decide not to drink low alcohol products because they contain a little alcohol. The quantity of alcohol is so low that you physically could not drink enough to feel any effects. It really comes down to personal choice.
Odaat
One day at a time is a motto used by everyone in the sober community when life feels overwhelming. When we first make the decision to stop drinking, for whatever reason, our brains like to resist and try to find reasons why we shouldn’t change. Often, that entails looking ahead at all of the events we would normally drink at, or things we would drink to get through and wondering how on earth we’ll manage without alcohol. But, when we shut those thoughts down and focus on one day at a time, the idea becomes more manageable.
Play The Tape Forward
Playing the tape forward is a phrase used to imagine how things might take a turn for the worst if you’re toying with the idea of drinking. For example, if you’re thinking you might just have one, think about how once you’ve had one you will probably want more, you’ll drink too much, spend too much money, get rubbish sleep, feel crap the next day and be annoyed at yourself for breaking a promise to yourself. These examples can of course be much more elaborate!
Recovery
Many will describe themselves as being in recovery if they are sober. With hindsight, we can see that alcohol was damaging us in some way or another and so by quitting, we allow ourselves to recover. For many, alcohol was a coping mechanism. It could numb past trauma as well as current difficulties and it helped people to forget whatever they needed to forget. But by doing this, we are burying our feelings and avoiding facing our issues which can leave us stuck, depressed and unable to grow. Recovery isn’t necessarily easy, depending on what you have to process, and how long you’ve been avoiding it for. But it always worthwhile. And, the good news, you don’t have to go through it alone. Whether you connect with likeminded sober folk on instagram, seek professional help or even reach out to a charity. Check out our resources for further information.
Sober Curious
Coined by Ruby Warrington – author of Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol & The Sober Curious Reset: Change the Way You Drink in 100 Days or Less. Sober Curious unsurprisingly refers to the curiosity of being sober. It’s asking yourself, ‘hey, I’ve tried adult life with alcohol, I wonder what it’s like without alcohol?‘. There’s a sober curious movement happening and that, I think, has come from empowering people to question their relationship with alcohol rather than just simply accepting the drinking culture.
Zero or 0%
0% drinks contain no alcohol at all and are safe to drink even if pregnant. You may find that you still get asked for ID when purchasing these drinks – that is simply because children under 18 are still not allowed to purchase these. The consensus is that it still promotes alcohol to minors.
FAQ
Where Can I get More Information or Support?
For links to charities, sober community groups, helplines or sites to locate therapists check out our resources page here.